I Carrot A Lot

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I was listening to an episode of Be There in Five’s podcast this morning and she was interviewing Atoosa Rubenstein. If you’re between the ages of 32-40, you probably remember her as the editor-in–chief of CosmoGIRL or Seventeen magazine, depending on how many rings we find inside your body when we chop you in half. Since leaving the Devil Wears Prada world of Manhattan print media somewhere around the same time I graduated college, she’s kept a pretty low profile, which is a surprise considering how much she once shared with complete strangers through the pages of a glossy magazine boasting cover models like 98° and Ashley Olsen.

Anyway, she’s back now, writing a newsletter on a platform called substack which I guess I should set up too, because it’s never enough!?!?!?!?! And in this podcast episode she explained the reason for feeling ready to return to her life of sharing as wanting to teach the lessons she’s learned. But this time, instead of teaching 13-year-olds how to figure out what their vaginal discharge means like a gynecological tea leaf reader, she’s talking about navigating life after divorce and lessons from her career (I GUESS. I haven’t read it yet, tbh.)

I bring this up because it echoes my own reasons for returning to blogging. Lately, I’ve been feeling all sorry for myself for not being able to grow my fucking Instagram account despite pushing out tons of (reels) content. Slappy as it is, it’s still work, and because I grew up during a social media era reliant upon curated and still pictures, imperfect moving pictures are still a little outside of my wheelhouse. So really, I’m a silent movie actress trying to figure out how to make it in the “talkies.” Which is ironic, because I consider my ability to talk one of my greatest pitfalls skills. The internet does weird things to the psyche, man.

I started my blog the first time around because there was no good Paleo food to eat! My friends kept pronouncing it “puh–lay-oh” (some still do), the closest thing to a Paleo on–the–go snack was beef jerky, and I probably gained 5 pounds from eating so much almond butter cus nuts were okay?! Kyle introduced me to the Paleo diet and according to him it was just grilled slabs of meat and boring steamed or roasted veggies and like, I could not. So I said “fuck it,” and started experimenting with how to turn cauliflower into alfredo sauce before your aunt who’s doing Keto now ever even heard of carbs, and shared what I was learning about cooking and making healthy food delicious with anyone who was in the same biscuits-and-gravy boat. The goal was pretty simple: make great Paleo food and share it with people who don’t get easily offended by the f-word.

And somehow, I found those people. Or at least…some of them. I’m talking about you, in case that’s unclear.

So, here I am, reminding myself exactly what the point is in taking highly stylized (FOR ME) pictures of goddamn carrots and writing about them: it’s to help you not eat shit food in the name of weight loss or health. I hope this recipe helps you dodge another boring ass meal of plain chicken and steamed broccoli…even though these are technically roasted vegetables. I’ve been doing this for 14 years, what do you want from me?!?!

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Harissa Spiced Carrots with Whipped Feta

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Yield: 4 servings

IngredientsUSMetric

Harissa Spiced Carrots

• 2 lbs carrots, peeled
• 1 Tbsp Harissa seasoning
• 1 Tbsp olive oil
• pinch of salt

Whipped Feta`

• 5 oz. Feta (I used whole, not crumbled)
• 1/4 cup Greek yogurt
• 1 clove garlic
• 2-3 sprigs of fresh dill (or 1/2 tsp dried)
• juice of half a lemon
• pinch of salt and pepper

Instructions

Roast the Carrots

1. Pre-heat oven to 425F.
2. Line a baking sheet with foil. Set aside.
3. In a large bowl or shallow dish, combine olive oil and harissa. Then, add your peeled carrots and toss to fully coat.
4. Transfer carrots to your prepared baking sheet and sprinkle with salt.
5. Bake for 25-30 minutes, until carrots are browned and for tender.

Make the whipped feta

1. Place all ingredients in a blender or food processor and blend until everything is pureed and creamy.
2. Taste and adjust seasonings as necessary.
3. Spoon whipped feta on dish and place carrots on top. Option to garnish with chopped pistachios, fresh dills, and sliced green onion.