Workout Like a Lady: You Need an Active Dress Now

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Shit is hard out here for women. First, they take away our right to bodily autonomy and family planning; then, they stop making enough tampons; now, they want us to workout in dresses!! What’s next? Paying us less than our male counterpa—wait…

While it might feel like our society is just an old-timey Circus run by a clown backpedaling us on its unicycle to a pre-suffrage era, that’s because it is!! So, lest you want to be accused of being a witch burned at the stake because of your weekly nervous breakdown caused by, idk, EVERYTHING impacting you in the world right now, you better sissy that vote, Mary!! Check our your voter registration status here so you’re prepared for mid-terms this November. Some would argue mid-term elections are even more important than Presidential since these mother fuckers actually decide what gets voted into law, so don’t fuck it up!

Anyway, active dresses are in! Takes me back to my junior high days, when wearing shorts under skirts was basically mandatory because of course girls had to take on the burden of the pre-pubescent boys they co-educated with and their utter lack of self-respect and/or control, and give credence to the notion that any wrongdoings or perceptions of others’ was wholly and exclusively OUR fault. I mean, is it wrong? Yes. Am I still gonna buy an active dress? Also, yes. What can I say…I’m a slave to fashion.