Cook Your Garbage: Broccoli Fritters

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So, apparently reducing food waste is a thing now…have you heard this, did you hear about this? My Instagram is filled with 14-year-old vegans holding plates of food up to their face and taking a bite of something like “Potato Peel and Carrot Top Nachos.” It’s an altruistic mission: turn your food trash into food treasure. I mean, I’m personally responsible for no less than 10,000 pounds of uneaten, rotted kale in my local landfill.

I’m never gonna be the kind of person who makes tea from celery leaves, but I’m all for using more of the shit I already like to eat. As a family, we eat a lot of broccoli and I like to buy the full stalks - I think having it in my fridge makes me healthier by . I make it at least once a week, usually roasted. And that’s perfectly fine, but I end up chopping off the stem, which contributes to half the weight, which I pay for, and toss it. Don’t tell Kyle I’ve been throwing away $4 a week, every week, for the last 3 years, okay??

I admit, broccoli fritters aren’t the most original idea, but you try thinking or new and delicious ways to use GARBAGE in your cooking, Uncle Buck!

The thing is, these are really tasty! And even better? They’re easy to make. The hardest part is figuring out how to grate the broccoli stems (I suggest a food processor, but if you don’t have one, a regular box grater is fine, it just sucks more).

“Okay, Melissa, but I hate broccoli. What now?” you might find yourself asking. Not to worry, broccoli-hater. I made a minty, lemony yogurt dip to pair with it. In my experience, if you have an aversion to a vegetable, dipping it in a creamy white sauce enhances one’s enjoyment of it by at least 7x. Or is it reduces?? I can never remember the Thick, Gloppy, White Quotient rule.

You could certainly swap out the broccoli for carrots or even potato to switch up flavors and sneak different vegetables into your kids’ (or your own) diet. So, latkes. I basically made you latkes. What am I even doing here?!!??!

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Broccoli Fritters

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Yield: About 8 fritters

IngredientsUSMetric

Fritters

• 2 stalks of broccoli or an 8 oz bag of florets
• 2 Tbsp olive oil
• 2 eggs, lightly beaten
• 1/2 cup finely ground almond flour
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• Small shallot, finely diced
• 1 Tbsp tarragon, minced
• 1 Tbsp basil, chopped
• Salt & pepper to taste

Lemon Mint Yogurt Dip

• 1/2 cup Greek yogurt
• 1 Tbsp fresh mint, rough chop
• Juice of 1/2 lemon
• 1 green onion, chopped (green and white)
• Salt & pepper to taste

Instructions

Make the Fritters

1. In a food processor, use your grating plate and grate broccoli, both stalks and florets. If you don't have a food processor, you can use a regular cheese grater to do this.
2. Dump the shredded broccoli into a nut milk bag and then squeeze all the excess water out.
3. Combine shredded and drained broccoli with remaining ingredients. Using an ice cream scoop, scoop out broccoli mix and gently flatten into a patty, or fritter, and set aside.
4. Heat a large pan to medium, then add oil. Once oil is hot and shimmery, place 3-4 fritters in the pan and cook about 5 minutes on each side, until a brown (but not burnt) crust forms. Remove from heat and set aside to cook the remaining fritters.
5. Serve hot or room temp with yogurt dip.

Make the dip

1. Combine all the ingredients in a bowl and serve alongside fritters.